So, What’s Next?

Wow, that question is getting pretty old. When I started our traveling life last year I was committed to a year on the road just taking it as it came. But, they always asked, “then what?” I don’t know. I’m hoping the answer will come to me. “Where are we going next?” Usually the answer to that was…. “I don’t know, yet.” We seldom knew where we were going in anything less than generalities more than a day or two in advance.

Whenever these questions came up and I gave this vague noncommittal answer I would either see wonder on the questioner’s face or more often a mixture of suspicion and disbelief. Are you fucking with me or are you crazy? Most often the subtext is “how can you live like that?”  I smile and try to look adventurous and whimsical. “What, me worry?”

When will you know? Where do you want to “end up?” What is the goal? What is the point of all this?  Only the people who know me well and care about me ever really push it this far. To them I can only say that I am truly living in the moment. More precisely I am living in the immediate. Yes, I know that I will need to make money to sustain myself. Yes, I will most likely get old and not able to live like a gypsy. To them I can only say that “I am becoming”.

This lifestyle I’ve chosen makes people profoundly uncomfortable. Sometimes it makes me uncomfortable. Whenever I try to imagine a different one, I just can’t see anything. It’s a mist or a blank slate. In every real sense it is a blank canvas and I am in the act of creation. Whether that creation ends up being a masterpiece or a kindergarten finger-paint is unknown. Most likely whatever I create it will be viewed by others through their own lens and judged accordingly.

Creation is an uncertain business. It isn’t linear. It doesn’t usually have a goal or a point. It happens in the moment and unfolds in its own time. It is, in a word, messy.

So, my nice white blouse is now a painter’s smock. It’s never going to be clean again.

 

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